Oh so much to say! My last few days in Zhengzhou have been filled with so much richness, so much love, love, LOVE, laughs and more LOVE. I feel deeply blessed to have such a profoundly beautiful and loving 'Chinese family' :)!! 2 days ago when Ayi came back from a weekend at her son's home, she entered the clinic with a big smile. She exclaimed she was organizing a special 'farewell' lunch for me and that Zhao Fang (Nicole) and her husband, JunLin and her family, Li Zhun and of course, Dr. Zhao would all be there. Oh YAY!!! We've all been counting down the days we have together – savoring and enjoying each moment. Each day I come to the clinic, Dr. Zhao re-counts again – 'hai you 5 tian' –'still 5days'– 'hai you 3 tian'–'still have 3 days'–'hai you 1 tian'–'still have 1 day,' etc. Each moment is precious – each time I get to fill another prescription with my Sisters, eat another most delicious lunch with Ayi and Dr. Zhao, see my fuyuyuan (hotel worker) friends at the hotel, hug my little Chinese 'nieces' who come to greet me is so precious. Also, I savor each moment of teaching and sharing and experiencing with Dr. Zhao. My time and all I receive from him is such a big gift – even putting all of this into words doesn't do justice to express what I'm receiving. One example of such a moment is two days ago when he read from an old book on acupuncture techniques – again written as a 'gejue'– a poem. It was so beautiful and this time, as he read (and I recorded it on my nifty IPod :)) I actually understood some of it!! WoW! I understood some of the acupuncture points they referred to and their uses. And I'm so glad to have these recordings to continue learning and of course to hear Dr. Zhao's voice again when I'm home.
I also like it when Dr. Zhao calls me over to feel another patient's pulse (now he's having me feel their pulses and then describe what I feel. Gosh, this is soooo great!! I love (sometimes my ego doesn't love it so much in the moment though!) how Dr. Zhao is ALWAYS stretching what I think is possible for me. He's always testing my 'consciousness' and expanding my self-imposed – often unconsciously self-imposed limitations. My training and 'remembering' of Conscious Language has been/is so valuable and I can see how all my experiences up to this point has prepared me to meet and work with Dr. Zhao. In my training with Robert Tennyson Stevens (founder of Conscious Language™ and Mastery Systems), I came to see how a simple thought-form such as “I can't” or “I don't know” really held back a lot of power in my life – and I had several experiences while on tour with Bob of how once I became conscious I was telling myself ‘I can't’ or ‘I don't know’ and consciously made another choice, then doors opened in my own consciousness and experience! Well, I have discovered so many “I can'ts” or “”I don't knows” in my time here. Yet, these have been even more 'sneaky' because they're in Chinese!! :) Yes, I've become rather astute in detecting sly English ‘I can'ts' and “I don't knows” – BUT now I'm becoming diligent in catching them in Chinese! When I'm thinking thoughts in Chinese, these little..."wo bu hui" (I can't), “Wo ting bu dong" (I don't understand), and “wo buzhidao” (I don't know) have, as I mentioned, continued to pop up in their sneaky way, especially when Dr. Zhao is teaching me, or quizzing me, or asking me to recite one of the short gejues he's shared with me! (one time in front of the reporters! Aiya!!) Well, as I've learned/remembered in my studies with Bob Stevens, my language, my words, thoughts and feelings are powerful and are constantly shaping my world and my experience of it around me.
So to give you an example in the Chinese language, I'm going to take a close look at the Chinese version of ‘I don't know' --- which, just as in English, is a phrase that often unconsciously closes a door in consciousness -- As soon as one says “I don't” – it's like closing a gate, and in this case, closing a gate to 'knowing.’ So, in Chinese, the 2 characters for knowing are both beautiful and powerful words – they are ‘zhi’知and ‘dao’道 put together to form ‘zhidao’ 知 道–(look, Dr. Zhao's nephew, Zhao Kuan, helped me download a program to type in Chinese now so I can actually show you some characters :)) – ‘zhi’ is the character for wisdom and ‘dao’ is the character for the way, the path – it's also the character for Daoism (sometimes spelled Taoism in English). To say “I know” is simply ‘wo zhidao’ 我知道 – or one could translate it as “I know as I Am Wisdom and the Way” – or—“I know the wisdom of the Way". To say “I don't know” is “wo bu zhidao” 我不知道 – or one could say ‘I don't know wisdom or the Way’ or ‘I don't know the wise Way'. The character “bu” 不, like our 'not'–resulting in words like can't, don't, won't, etc --, is a powerful barrier and can put up a strong wall/gate in one's consciousness (often unconsciously). It's also said in the 4th tone in Chinese (Mandarin Chinese has 4 main tones and 1 neutral tone) which starts high and ends low and is the 'sharpest' tone of them all.
So all of this to say, I'm now 'remembering' my Conscious Language in Chinese too :) And as I had started explaining, when Dr. Zhao has me feel pulses of his patients, and then asks me to explain what I'm feeling, sometimes these sneaky “I don't know how to say this" thoughts making their way into my head. Well also....being a 'waiguoren' -a foreigner, I have a big excuse to have these thoughts, right? Since Chinese isn't my native language, I can often get away with just being a bit 'shaniu'–'silly girl' that doesn't quite understand. Yet, this ‘doesn't fly' with Dr. Zhao :) (and Thankfully so as this keeps stretching my own limits!!). So with the pulses, even though I've often thought –'oh I don't know how to put words to what I'm feeling – and especially in Chinese!" I ....do it anyway :) – and miraculously Dr. Zhao understands! (even though I'm often using other-than-Chinese-Medical terminology to convey my feelings!)
This highlights another special blessing in my relationship with Dr. Zhao – that is we often understand each other – (of course there's many times we've had some miscommunications resulting in me 'you fan cuowu' – making yet another mistake!! – which often by the way, after we communicate clearly, results in another bundle of shared laughter and me reminding Dr. Zhao how to say "I made a mistake" in English again :)- as he likes to practice his English in preparation for his next trip to the U.S.)
Even though we have our language differences, he often seems to understand what I'm conveying. For example, one patient's pulse was very thin, wiry and a bit floating, while another patient's was ‘thick’, sinking and 'hua' slippery like flowing ‘zhou’ or rice porridge (different than the ‘hua’ feeling of the 2 women who are pregnant). I'll often say a few simple descriptive words and then Dr. Zhao's eyes light up –"oh yes, right – you mean"....and he'll say the very poetic Chinese medical terminology for what I'm feeling :). Even though I'm just starting to feel some basics and feeling the difference between different patients, I still have MUCH to learn as to what all the different pulses mean, several patients still insist (if I haven't done it already) to come over and feel their pulse. They're often smiling looking at me with expectant eyes after I feel, like they're waiting for me to diagnosis their condition! Well, I just tell them to 'dengyixia' wait a moment and ask Dr. Zhao :)
Another example of Dr.Zhao not heeding my “I can't" or “I don't understand” thoughts is with some of the case studies he's written up for me to translate. Again, he likes to write by hand (as he doesn't use the modern pinyin method needed for typing Chinese characters in the computer)—so this means I need to decipher his handwriting. Well, neatly (and I mean school-text-book-neat) written characters are much easier to read than the more beautiful flowing, calligraphy-like handwriting of Dr. Zhao – because, when reading neatly written or typed characters, if there's a character I don't know, I can again use my nifty ipod, draw the character, press ‘done’ and voila! Out comes the pinyin and an English definition of the word. :) –duo fangbian! – So convenient!! Well, not so easy with Dr. Zhao's written papers... .When he hands me yet another case study, he often says, ‘na, ni man man kan ba.' "here, you can read and review this slowly." And then starts working on something else. My “well, what? Wait – what if I don't understand? Wait can you just explain...?...." none of these thoughts are given any space in his consciousness – which then seems to somehow decrease their power in my consciousness – and my response miraculously turns into a no-drama “Hao ba. Wo na hui qu manman de kan ba.” –“okay sure, I'll take this and review it tonight." (Yet, sometimes I'm still thinking, “how will I ever understand all of this?”) So far, though, I've also ‘miraculously’ been given all the extra help (often from either Nicole or Zhao Kuan) I require to read these cases studies and learn a bunch of new words in the process. :)
So I had a most most wonderful ‘farewell’ lunch with Dr. Zhao, Ayi, JunLin, her mother-in-law, Nicole and her husband, and one of Dr. Zhao's sisters. Again these were more moments I treasured. Two of the TV reporters also joined us so they could film our toasts and this special time with 'my Chinese family' :). Below are just a few of the many great pictures we took at lunch and right after with my family :).
My learnings and experiences with Chinese medicine are continuing too as I've met Jergedu's teacher yesterday who also practices Chinese acupressure, massage and acupuncture and is from a lineage of Mongolian teachers. Wow! His method is powerful! He treated Claire, then we all talked and before I knew it I was on the table getting a treatment myself!
He immediately knew my 'weak spots' and I felt a strong sense that one of my missions is to use my own qigong practice, my gifts of knowledge and experience with Chinese medicine, herbs and foods to bring strength and vitality to my whole being. A lot of inner 'ah-has' are being revealed.
Last night we all also went...DANCING!!! Oh I was fabulously FUN!! Claire is an awesome dancer too and we had a blast! We just rocked out and while the dance-stage floor was closed until the later hours, the managers came over to us and asked if we'd please step on the dance stage and continue our ecstatic funk and hip hop grooves!
I won't be on email much the next few days. Thank you again for all your letters! I really love hearing from you and I send you all Much LOVE!!!!
Love and JOY,